Should spanking ever be used as a control method or only as a direct consequence for a known infraction?

For example suppose you're nine year old son is caught playing with matches and you have explained the danger of it warned him repeatedly and warned him what would happen if he did it again ..I see that a sound spanking is warranted in that case .. But doesn't it get to be all about control and a power struggle when lets say the same boy neglects to do a choir and each time its neglected he is spanked for it ..Should spanking ever be used as a control method or only as a direct consequence for a known infraction?
I would use it in the first case, but not in the second. In the second case I would withhold a favorite activity until the chore is done. No watching TV or video games until your room is clean, etc.Should spanking ever be used as a control method or only as a direct consequence for a known infraction?
I think a 9 year old is a little too old to be spanked. I disagree that spanking a child is ';child abuse'; though. The reason kids nowadays are so ill-mannered is because parents are so scared to discipline them and get in trouble. Kids have their parents on a leash and will do whatever they want. If you don't train your kids early enough that you are the boss they will always take advantage of you.





Anyway, to answer your question, I think it should be used as a ';direct consequence for a known infraction';. If you let that get out of hand, though it will become a control method. You don't want your child to fear you, but you also don't want them to think they wont be punished for bad behavior.
I just took a class about possitive parenting and you don't need to spank at all.


Sit down with your son and discuss his chores.


Did he help choose the list?


Ask him what the consequences should be if he doesn't do his chores.





Talk about dangerous behavours that he has been doing.


Discuss what the consequences can be and how you feel about it.


Ask him what the consequences should be if he does a dangerous behaviour. You have to be comfortable with any of the consequences.





As kids get older they want to feel like they get to make choices. The more they feel in control the less they feel they need to be testing boundaries. You still run the show, you just guide the areas you are happy for him to make choices in.
Spanking should be the disciplinary action of last resort. If you have used up all your other options and the behavior continues, then a spanking might be order. But you also need to consider the scope of the infraction. Spanking a child who keeps playing with matches is different than resorting to a spanking for a kid who won't eat his vegetables.
I agree. Taking away video games, television or playtime with friends is a much better control over behavior than spanking. However, I have an 8 yr old child that has been in time out, had activities taken away, had to pay chore money to his sister, all as punishments. Spanking has been the only deterrent for some of this unacceptable behavior. Until you raise wild tail boys never say never. :)
Spanking is a lot of fun. But for neglecting chores I would just withhold a privelage, like the phone or dinner. I mean, I once got hit with a flashlight for not cleaning my room fast enough. It didn't speed things up any.





But, spanking is great for noisy kids. It makes you feel better when you beat them silly. Now they're crying for a good reason!
Yes. A smack used properly speaks volumes. Three hours of ';reasoning'; with your 4 year old is not going to stop them dying if they are about to put their hand in a socket.





People love to replace the word ';smack'; with ';hit';as they think it strengthens their case.
Put the matches and other such dangerous objects far out of reach in the first place, and hitting is just stupid and just as immature as a small child.
NEVER EVER spank. Hitting doesn't solve any problems.
Personally I don't see a problem with spanking, but it does become an issue if you are using it to control the child. You can't control anyone, not even a child. They have a mind and personality of their own and you should always try to resolve the issue based on level. For example, child plays with fire first offense...warning. If they continue to play with fire, then a spanking would be in order. If he doesn't do his chores I don't see a reason to necessarily spank him for that, unless he starts back talking and disrespecting the parent. I would think that each time the child doesn't do a chore you should take something away. I.E. ';If you don't help with the dishes, no video games or T.V. until it is done.'; Hope this helped.
My daughter is 22 now and she was never spanked as she was growing up - I can't imagine an adult needing to hit a child as a way to enforce discipline. There are so many other things you can do, and children come in different packages - some are completely immune to getting hit, and others fear it irrationally. I have also had four foster children in my home, and while we would never have hit them anyway, it is illegal in our state for foster children to be spanked (we are in California, I don't know if all states have this rule, I would imagine not, since some still allow corporal punishment in schools). That the state labels it illegal is pretty telling that it probably isn't an appropriate method of discipline.





I know some people think not allowing spanking at all is extreme, but I was one of those kids who responded with extreme fear. I have one parent that I still don't have a relationship with today because that was his method of enforcing order. I'll never think of him as anything except that guy who might hit me.
i dont have kids....but i do have 12 nieces and nephews and have helped raise all of them....i never spanked any of them i either set them on the couch or put them in the corner with there nose touching the wall.....they cant sit or doa nything else....then after that they didnt do what they had done wrong again....hope that helps!