Now is the time to stand up for yourself. I know from personal experience that going along with a controlling in-law for peace and quiet only leads to more demands for you to do more, be more and give more.
Be polite, but be firm. Say ';No thank you'; to offers, say 'I'm sorry, I cannot do that'; to requests and ';I would rather do it this way'; to suggestions.
Do NOT say ';Oh, I will think about it'; because that will be considered a weakness and the in-law will push at the weakness until you give in.
Do not be simply obstructive. For example, if you are asked to go to their home and have another engagement, decline and say you have another engagement. Do not alter your position. However, if you are invited and are free, agree to go and take a bunch of flowers or other gift, praise the decor and food, and comment that you are so glad that you have been free to come to such a lovely home for such a pleasant evening. Demonstrate that you are an honest person not simply a troublemaker.
Always give due courtesy to your in-laws as the parents of your fiancee, for example, comment that one of his best features is his politeness, and that this is something that can only be taught in a home that values such things. In this way you show you have respect for the in-laws, so that when you will not be pushed they know it is from strength of character, not stubborness.
If you marry your fiancee and want to have an enjoyable life, now is the time to earn your in-laws' respect. Things might be rough at first, but as long as you remain polite and above all respectful, you will earn everyone's respect and admiration.
If you find you cannot be as strong as a rock, do only as much as you can without feeling helpless and controlled.
Your in-laws can be your best friends, and they may one day be the grandparents of your children, you want their friendship and respect, but you do not owe them your life.
Good luck and every best wish :-)How do I detach myself from my fiances controling mom who directs and dictates or at least trys to control eve
You need to stand your ground NOW or else it will be worse after you two are married.
Your fiance needs to step up to the plate as well and draw the line and cut the apron strings.How do I detach myself from my fiances controling mom who directs and dictates or at least trys to control eve
Well going through your fiance to her is not going to work at all. He'll nevere tell her exactly what you said no matter how unoffensive it may be. Next time she tries to offer her advice. Say ';you know I really appreciate the help and everything but we are adults now and we would like to be able to experience that life without all the added pressure from our parents.'; Or something along those lines. Good luck honey cuz my mother in law is the same way. After 3 years she has backed off but my husband still comes home with attitude when he visits with her.
I think your response should go with your real personality. for me, one day i took her to lunch and said basicly. that i love her son if not the same way than eqally to her, and seeing how i would never tell how to mother. she shouldnt tell me how to be me. of course she didnt take it the best way, because i gave her the worst first. after i sat and listened to what she felt was wrong, and had her talk about her experience with life, and when she saw i was interested she back off of me and her son, because she saw patential. i'm not saying do the same thing. but impress her with your strengths because honestly no mother will accept any woman who cant come to her as a woman. she'll just put you in a childs place the same place she keeps her son
I'm afraid you can't-if you want him she is part of the deal. All you can do is change your reaction to her ways. Good luck.
By detaching yourself from your fiance. You are in for a lot more trouble if you marry him; unless you are strong enough to cut her off from your lives.
Tell your mum to mind her own business.
You and you alone should be minding your funds. How would she like it if you told her what to do with her money? How the tables would turn!
Try using the sh*t sandwich technique when she offers advice.
Say something nice - (for example ';thankyou for your concern......';)
The sh*t - (for example ';but you are sticking your nose in where it is not wanted and I want you to stop';)
Say something nice ';I'm sure we'll work it out, it's great to have you here.';
Be respectful but don't compromise on your values.
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